Wednesday, July 1, 2009


Damn, I gotta start writing more. Lately, it hasn't been happening because A) haven't really had anything to write about B) When I do write, I forget some of the things that I would like to write here on my blog...and almost always don't remember it C) just...lazy, I guess, and (probably) D) well...I'm not sure if there is a "D"...let alone other points...

Today, I feel tired...Lots of things are on my mind, one in particular...but the rest I can just give a damn about. That could just fade out of existence in my mind. Speech I did SUCKED ASS today...totally forgot a lot of the points I wanted to explain and didn't even make the time alotted. Yeah, so much for practicing, right?

For the most part, it's been up and down for me recently...and I just don't know how to deal with the things I've been thinking about. I feel so stuck and out of place that I'm not sure if anything would be right or wrong as the result. I'm not really going to give any detail about it; this, whoever reading this, may be to you what you might call somewhat "subliminal" but one might know what I'm sort of talking about if any detail is given out or not. Not really sure how to go about it, really, to make it right...I don't want to make a mistake or be stupid and end up a dead end. Don't know what else to do. One wants it this way, the other another way...but how do you come to terms with someone like that? I haven't really asked much...but I'm not sure that I'm understood much or see that I am an individual that wants it this way. Not saying that it HAS to be perfect, that it just HAS to be this way, the way I would like it to be...but just balanced out. That's it. I feel lost and pushed aside to where I feel I'm just an acquaintance now...nothing more. Is it me that could be causing this whole ordeal? I just don't like how things are set...I'm not even used to this AT ALL. Never experienced some sort of...I don't even know what to call it...

Balance, finding the right thing...I'd like to work this out.


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