Faith-Filled, Er...Umm...

I'm gonna take a little time-out, a pause if you will, from posting up music related or anything else on my blog for a moment. I just feel like writing this and addressing this to anyone that reads blogs, let alone, mine. Anyways, thought I'd focus and write about my faith and my life surrounding it, and vise-versa. I don't know...seems like a very touchy or sensitive subject when it comes to faith; Personal faith, really. It's not that it's bad or being ashamed or embarrassing...it's more like...do we really live by our truthful, honest faith with our own selves and towards others? I know, and I bet, that not a lot of people do. In fact, to be honest, I'm probably "lukewarm" about my faith. Don't get me wrong, I mean, I do believe that there is a God and I do believe in God...but sometimes I find myself in a bind with my Christian faith. I've come a long way from being a boy to a man...and experiencing problems and mistakes, which later lead me to solve and learn from them. I'm pretty mature now, but sometimes...I don't feel like I'm completely there. Such as, like, I question certain things about my faith...And really those kinda things, I don't really either agree on them or believe on them--no offense to anyone out there who are Christian or other religions. See..."lukewarm".

Here's my time to shine...I'll be honest. I haven't read the bible, completely, except when I have to...I still swear, but not out in public and definitely not at adults, and I hardly pray, except when their's something goin' down, like a problem or anything, or if I have to, and I drink. But NOT an alcoholic. I stress that. Major; Just to name a few...

However, my "lukewarm" faith hasn't really gave me major problems. I don't know...maybe it's just me. How I see things, experience things, and just what I personally believe. Yeah, that's my faith...If I like people, people will like me...and also being happy, respectful, and honest helps for me, too. Even love. But there is just so much that I haven't probably learned about myself, yet...

I can still do things and still have faith. Right? Well...not really. It depends on what I do, good or bad. Hey, I listen to secular music more than contemporary Christian music...But Christians aren't down with that...except, maybe, Christian Hip-Hop. I mean, I'm not dissing Christian Hip-Hop at all...I mean I like it, but why criticize secular Hip-Hop? I know that a lot of Hip-Hop today is all negative and shit. Wack-ass rappers, weak beats, and what-not...Now that I can agree with. But dissing other Hip-Hop music that really does matter and does tell a positive, honest message to the masses...Now that pisses me off. That shit ain't bad at all! I don't know, sometimes I don't think they know what they are talking about or just very unknowledgable, unaccepting, misunderstood fools. Sorry. I just had to. I don't care if anyone that reads this...ANYONE...gets mad or doesn't give a rat's booty about this entry. But this is what I observe, think, and feel. My life is a faith-filled experience--there ya' go, B. That would complete the blog title. How can people say that? Say that about anything that's, at least, secularly positive? Where's the respect? Didn't God say somethin' about that in the Bible?

I'm living my life fully, but my life of faith is half-full. I'm not really complaining about it, either. I kinda enjoy it. It's nice that I'm not forced to do anything, feel anything, say anything, think anything. ANYTHING. But...I know that I do heavily believe in God and Heaven, but there's certainly no way in Hell that I will not let go of God. But...God can let go of you. See, that's where I have to be careful, as to not lose my faith while living in this secular life. That I believe in and agree with. But I'm not one of those hardcore faith believers, honestly speaking. Lukewarm...Will I ever be full in my faith? Maybe. I mean, sometimes I feel like I want to...but this is me. I'm being me. Brian.

I can get through life, even with it's crazy-ass roller-coaster rides and bumps along the way, and with God with me...all is good. Just being positively me.

See, I'm not really a church-goer a lot of the times. Though, I do every week. There are, and were times, that I would feel the Spirit and my faith move comfortably with praise and worship...Most of the time, I'd be talkin' to other people, half paying attention to the Message. I sit in the back with the other guys, also. I don't know if sitting in the back matters, but I'd sometimes feel guilty about not sitting in the front or even, at least, in the middle rows of pews...I try in church. I play drums--and I'm dope in the drums. 10 years now. Honestly, that's the only time I'm in the zone and I feel my faith. It's the praise and worship...Something about those songs I play every single week for the past 10 years...It's just amazing and refreshing for my mind, body, and soul. I think that's it...Music and my faith. They just go hand-in-hand together like a kid and ice cream. My faith is backed by God, first, music, second, hmm...third? Third...I think it would definitely be both people and places all tied together in one big bunch. Unity. I live my faith and life entirely with these. When I grow older, mature more, I'm holding on to those. I'm gonna do great things in life...

Respect.

Keep the peace...Love to you and yours...

...And those frontin', shut-up...

b.