An Open House To Myself. (Part II)

Here's part 2 of what I had started doing once a week. Just to recap, I've been reading John Baker's book Life's Healing Choices in which there are 8 choices in relation to The Beattitudes found in The Bible in the book of Matthew chapter 5, which there are 8 beattitudes. If you haven't read it, go pick this up...It's worth your life! On the real...Lately, I've been strengthening myself by finding new focus and perspectives in my life; I've started to rely more in my faith and turning to it and finding out more about myself to live and be better, for myself and others...

And I still continue to persue what I had re-discovered...

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(Here, Choice 2 deals the choice of Hope: getting Help. Again, what I write is strictly coming from me, personally, in all its raw glory...No b.s. Mind you, these collective writings were pre-written on the same day I read the book in which I write my thoughts and reflections with pen and notepad, then to my blog; These are my reflections and a look into my personal life...)

E arnestly believe that God exists.

>>>> That I MATTER to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover.

Beattitude #2: "Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." (Matthew 5:1)


Friends. Who doesn't love or care about them? Let alone have any? Well, I can say that I have very close, yet faithful, trustful, and the bestest and dopest of friends that life can buy because it's those, even those few that I can talk to, closely and personally, that I can rely on and to talk to...especially for help.

The friends that I have, now, are the friends that I had kept and those that I've met recently, we've established close ties, but that wasn't so in the past...

For I thought these were the friend's that I grew up with personally and always down to hang, turned out they've turned my backs on me because of something I never really did (disbelief)...I mean really. It's something that I wouldn't do at ALL! I still think that this whole situation/problem I had back then is really dumb, which later on led me to even more more problems. It was almost as if I've hit rock bottom. But for what? What was the mistake that I did to hurt others? But now...I'm blessed that that nightmare that I've confronted and tackled head on in the past has diminished...And I'm free as a bird...

Speaking of mistakes, I've had plenty and I've shared them with a handful of people that I've been friends with or just knew. My mistakes weren't minor. They were BIG. Major, serious mistakes that either emotionally or physically hurt that someone(s) in my past life. Sometimes those mistakes would be intentional because I thought they deserve it or if that someone has done me wrong, I would do the same. Sometimes, however, they would be unintentional, or be accidental, and I would think that I might have done or said something right, but later to realize I was wrong and mistaken taking the situation even further down hill and making it worse. I deeply and honestly apologize for what I've might've done to damage another human's emotions and reputation; that sh#* ain't right. I know. I knew the hard way. But thanks to the "hard way" and realizing and correcting my mistakes, I've better myself, now, to not make any of those same (or new) mistakes I've done. I'm blessed. I regret those mistakes, that's why my faith has started to spring back and hopefully my faith and faith in God will keep me in the right track in life.

Along with mistakes came to denials and pain. I've suffered greatly in two major situations in my life that turned my life upside down. Though they were totally different, both denial and pain were there...And they were HEAVY. Both had taken over and weighed me down in my life in general, and the closest person that I would talk to would be my Mom and my closest friends. But sometimes, it would be more towards my friends whom I was close to and rely on to talk and express myself on what I was feeling or dealing with. Don't get me wrong, I love my Mom...best Mom in the world! But when it came to understanding and comfort, my closest of friends were there to rely on..

The pain hurt. GREATLY. The denial, even probably close to the pain I was feeling and dealing with at those different times with those two situations. Denying it would be the same old ish every time and it would become habitual. Like the denying and lying would be like nothing; It was normal and okay, and that it didn't bother me. HA! Right...but it did...

I dealt with both denial and pain all by myself. As much as I can talk and express myself towards others, at the end of the day, I was dealing with ith myself because it was my own problem or fault. I mean, I believe in God--even back then--but I had my back completely turned and seeking God for comfort and help wasn't an option until the denial and pain completely buried and overtook me...Basically, that would be the ONLY time I'd seek God. I wasn't much of a prayer person, but it had to be done when it just was too much.

Fast-forward to now...Things have completely turned itself in a much positive note. I feel much alive and blessed. Like a completely renewed me. Faith has started to be more in my foundation than ever and it's becoming to be closer and stronger...

I wouldn't really call this a catastrophe. Rather, I'd call it more like a test, or maybe a challenge; A change, really. Losing our previous house was a big blow because we "felt the impact of our own choices" as a whole. But I never really thought of it much in a negative way, never really fronted about it, except the fact that we almost moved out of state to Houston, Texas. But thankfully we didn't. I believed that God was doing this to prove something to us as a family. We pulled through and look where we are now...I'm still here and we currently live in a house that we are renting; Not so much bigger than our previous house, but we're blessed. As a family, it taught us to be aware and make the right decisions. Yes, it was our fault, but ultimately God really put us to the test. As of now, we're tight was a fam and, again, living normal lives...

b.


****If you missed Part I, click here...